


Way of the Bow

by Cinnamongirl



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Death Threats, Gen, it's hard to be scary and intimidating when you're grieving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2063070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamongirl/pseuds/Cinnamongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The clan was killed during A New Path. Post-DA2, Mahariel tracks down Merrill and confronts her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Way of the Bow

**Author's Note:**

> For duelsoul on Tumblr.
> 
> Relevant headcanon: Zevran stayed at the Hanged Man in between A Murder of Crows and the final battle where he helped Hawke fight Meredith. He spent a lot of time hanging out and drinking with Isabela and Varric, and they told him about everything that had been going on with Hawke and Co.

After Hawke’s group defeated the Knight-Commander, they all disappeared into the mountains. Circumstance eventually forced them to go their own ways. Merrill was one of the first to set out on her own, into the forest. It felt like she was finally coming home after living in an Alienage for so long. It was lonely, but then she’d grown accustomed to being lonely over the past six years.

The first day was reassuringly uneventful. She set up a little camp for herself and found plenty of food. Merrill was pleased that she hadn’t forgotten how to survive in the woods. She needn’t have worried, she told herself. This was her heritage.

She was sitting in front of the fire on the second night when she heard a familiar-sounding soft thump behind her. Something heavy had landed carefully on the ground. “Who’s there?” Merrill called out, not willing to turn around just yet.

“Hello, Merrill.” It was a voice she hadn’t heard in years.

Merrill picked up her staff, stood up, and spun around in one quick, fluid motion. She couldn’t believe that what she saw in the dim firelight was real. “Mahariel?” she said. “But you’re supposed to be-”

“Officially, I’ve ‘disappeared.’ That’s not quite the same as being dead.” She didn’t _look_ threatening. Her bow and quiver were strapped to her back and there was nothing in her hands, which were down by her sides. She was wearing leather armor (including boots!) that Merrill didn’t recognize. She looked older, but that would make sense, wouldn’t it? Mahariel wouldn’t have changed at all if it was just a vision. She also had more scars on her arms and legs, and her hair was longer. Merrill thought that she should have grown her hair out a long time ago; it was very flattering.

Mahariel spoke again. “Zevran offered to kill you, you know. If I couldn’t do it.”

Merrill stared at her. Mahariel was quick, but Merrill knew that she could call up mana and channel it through her staff much faster than Mahariel could draw her bow. Even if she gave Mahariel a head start, she could use magic to immobilize her and she’d easily win a one-on-one fight.

Mahariel didn’t move, but she continued talking. “Zev grew up in cities, but I taught him how to hunt and track in the woods. He’s got a talent for it.” Merrill quickly glanced at the trees around her, but of course it was too dark to see much. “Zevran won’t kill you unless I want him to, or unless you attack me. _He_ doesn’t like senseless bloodshed.”

“But if you want to kill me, why do it like this?” Merrill asked. “You’ve apparently been watching me from the trees. You could have shot me earlier, couldn’t you?” Merrill hoped that she hadn’t just doomed herself by asking that, but the whole situation was very confusing and frustrating.

“It’ll be easier to kill you while you sleep. Besides, I can’t let you die thinking that you’ve been right all this time.” Mahariel’s posture was still nonthreatening, but she looked rather stern, and the way she said it was very cold. Merrill actually shivered a little.

She thought about the first time she met Mahariel, when they were both young. Merrill’s first clan had enough mages, so she was transferred to a new clan away from her family and everyone she knew so that Keeper Marethari could train an apprentice. Merrill remembered how serious she was back then, always concerned about following the rules and impressing the Keeper. Mahariel was the first friend she made. She said that she understood what it was like to be alone because her own parents died when she was very young, but she was so happy in spite of everything, always trying to get Merrill to lighten up. They used to be like sisters. What had happened?

Mahariel apparently read her mind again. “Andruil taught us to bend, but never break. I am tainted and slowly dying and I’ve lost nearly everything. It’s made me cold and hard, but it didn’t break me.” That was quite sad. Merrill had a sudden impulse to hug her, but that didn’t seem to be the right thing to do when someone was threatening to kill you.

“Er, what did you mean when you said that I’d die thinking I’ve been right all this time?” That was the important bit, wasn’t it?

“The Eluvian. You should have known better when it killed Tamlen, and it almost killed me. I suppose it also saved my life, considering that you’d have killed me on Sundermount along with the rest of the clan, otherwise.”

“That’s not fair! They-”

“I know, _they_ attacked _you_ because the Keeper took a demon into herself and you killed her. Unfortunately, the Keeper isn’t alive anymore so I can’t yell at her.” Even though she wasn’t really yelling at anybody, was she? Merrill took low, steady breaths, trying not to tear up at the thought of Keeper Marethari. “I’m the last living member of the Sabrae clan so it’s my responsibility to finish what they started and kill you, but the Grey Wardens are supposed to forsake all other affiliations. Then again, I’m not exactly a Warden anymore, having ‘disappeared’ and all. There’s room for interpretation.” Merrill thought that it was all very odd. Mahariel was so calm, even while she was talking about killing her. Usually people who wanted to kill her were very angry and yelling things. Merrill felt anything BUT calm right now.

“So, are you going to kill me?” Merrill’s voice wavered when she spoke. “I’d really rather you didn’t, but I suppose I don’t have a choice. It’s just that if you’re not going to kill me, it doesn’t seem right to hold that over my head so I’ll listen to you.”

“WOULD you actually listen to me, either way?”

Merrill scowled. She apparently wasn’t going to get an answer.

“Sometimes, when everyone you know disagrees with you for years, it’s because you’re actually wrong. Did that ever occur to you? The shemlen Champion was the only person who supported you, and even his boyfriend was mad about it. That should have been a sign.”

Merrill tried to figure out a response to that. As soon as she opened her mouth, Mahariel cut in again.

“If I killed you right now, you’d think you were a martyr who persevered despite relentless opposition and eventually died because of your attempts to reclaim the history of our people. That’s not true, and you’re not some misunderstood hero. You had assistance from the Champion and years to devote to this. If it was ever going to work, it would’ve worked a long time ago.”

“I _was_ trying to reclaim the history of our people! Everything I did was for them-”

“You _left_ the People over this, and then you spent years in an Alienage where you ignored all of our people who were living in crushing poverty around you. This was always about YOU, and your hubris and need for validation.” She was still so weirdly calm, even as she stood there lecturing Merrill.

“How could you just leave the clan voluntarily like that? It was our whole life, our whole world. It hurt more than anything when I had to leave, but I always knew that the clan was still out there, somewhere, and I was still a part of it even though I couldn’t be there physically. I even convinced the human King to set aside land for them.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds, while her face finally showed brief flickers of emotion. “But now they’re dead, and Zevran’s all I have left. At least you waited to start killing everybody until after he left Sundermount.”

“I’m so sorry! I never wanted any of this to happen! I was willing to risk myself, but I never meant for anyone else to get hurt! I’m sorry.” Merrill gave up on trying not to cry and started openly sobbing. She lowered her head in shame, not willing to meet Mahariel’s eyes.

“I know you’re sorry.”

“So what’s the point of all this? What do you want from me? I’d happily give anything to bring them back for you, but it doesn’t work like that.”

“There isn’t anything you can do to make this better.”

“Why are you here, then?”

“You needed to hear this from me, before you die. I’m the last remaining member of clan Sabrae, and I’m rejecting you because of everything you did. Goodbye, Merrill.” She turned and walked into the darkness between the trees. Merrill lit her staff and waved it around to look for her, but Mahariel was gone.

Merrill sat back down and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Mahariel may or may not be planning to shoot her while she slept. She hadn’t really gotten a straight answer out of her. She felt wide awake now, dreading the hours it would inevitably take to fall asleep because she was worried about whether or not she’d wake up in the morning. She supposed that she could try to run and get as far away as possible before she eventually passed out from exhaustion, but she knew that Mahariel would eventually find her if she was anything like the hunter she used to be. Merrill also considered casting Sleep on herself just to get it over with, but that felt like cheating. This was all part of her penance, wasn’t it? She was supposed to be coming to terms with the mistakes she’d made so that Mahariel would be able to kill her. But what would happen if Merrill NEVER acknowledged that she’d done anything wrong? She entertained fantasies of living out the rest of her life in happy denial, but she knew it was too late. She already felt regret and remorse, not just for what had happened, but for the choices she had made.

“I’m sorry,” she said out loud, her voice wavering. “I know it’s too late to change anything, but I should’ve left the Eluvian alone when I first started to have trouble with it. Maybe I shouldn’t have even tried to rebuild it in the first place. It definitely wasn’t worth leaving the clan over. If you’re still listening, you’re right. Sorry.” There was still a part of her mind that insisted that the Eluvian could have been functional if she’d had more time or done something different, or if Keeper Marethari hadn’t gotten possessed. Merrill wasn’t sure if that was enough to disqualify her from being killed. She had a lot of confusing thoughts and emotions, but there was definitely a strong current of regret. It would have to be enough.

Merrill lay down on her bedroll, facing the fire. She stared at it until she eventually fell asleep.


End file.
